The Piano Has Been Drinking
The piano has been drinking, my necktie is asleepAnd the combo went back to New York, the jukebox has to take a leakAnd the carpet needs a haircut, and the spotlight looks like a prison breakAnd the telephone's out of cigarettes, and the balcony is on the makeAnd the piano has been drinking, the piano has been drinking...
And the menus are all freezing, and the light man's blind in one eyeAnd he can't see out of the otherAnd the piano-tuner's got a hearing aid, and he showed up with his motherAnd the piano has been drinking, the piano has been drinkingAs the bouncer is a Sumo wrestler cream-puff casper milktoastAnd the owner is a mental midget with the I.Q. of a fence post'Cause the piano has been drinking, the piano has been drinking...
And you can't find your waitress with a Geiger counterAnd she hates you and your friends and you just can't get served without herAnd the box-office is drooling, and the bar stools are on fireAnd the newspapers were fooling, and the ash-trays have retired'Cause the piano has been drinking, the piano has been drinkingThe piano has been drinking, not me, not me, not me, not me, not me