The Night Santa Went Crazy
Down in the workshopAll the elves were makin' toysFor the good gentile girlsAnd the good gentile boysWhen the boss busted in,Nearly scared 'em half to deathHad a rifle in his handsAnd cheap whiskey on his breathFrom his beard to his bootsHe was covered with ammoLike a big, fat, drunk, disgruntled Yuletide RamboAnd he smiled as he saidWith a twinkle in his eye,"Merry Christmas to all.Now you're all gonna die!"
The night Santa went crazyThe night St. Nick went insaneRealized he'd been gettin' the raw dealSomething finally must have snapped in his brain
Well, the workshop is gone now,He decided to bomb itEverywhere you'll find piecesOf Cupid and CometAnd he tied up his helpersAnd he held the elves hostageAnd he ground up poor Rudolph into reindeer sausageHe got Dancer and PrancerWith an old German LugerAnd he slashed up Dasher just like Freddy KruegerAnd he picked up a flamethrowerAnd he barbequed BlitzenAnd he took a big bite and said,"It tastes just like chicken!"
The night Santa went crazyThe night Kris Kringle went nutsNow you can't hardly walk around the North PoleWithout steppin' in reindeer guts
There's the National Guard and the F.B.I.There's a van from the Eyewitness NewsAnd helicopters circlin' 'round in the skyAnd the bullets are flyin', the body count's risin'And everyone's dyin' to know, oh Santa, why?My my my my my myYou used to be such a jolly guy
Yes, Virginia, now Santa's doin' timeIn a federal prison for his infamous crimeHey, little friend, now don't you cry no more tearsHe'll be out with good behavior in 700 more yearsBut now Vixen's in therapy and Donner's still nervousAnd the elves all got jobs working for the postal serviceAnd they say Mrs. Claus,She's on the phone every nightWith her lawyer negotiating the movie rights
They're talkin' bout - the night Santa went crazyThe night St. Nicholas flippedBroke his back for some milk and cookiesSounds to me like he was kinda gettin' gypped
Whoa, the night Santa went crazyThe night St. Nick went insaneRealized he'd been gettin' the raw dealSomething finally must have snapped in his brainWhoa, something finally must have snapped in his brainTell ya, something finally must have snapped...in his brain