Sad
(Get on my level, Madison,Just picture a depressed onion cutting itself.)
I met a homeless man named Rich (He wasn't)Isn't that terrible?I saw a flyer for a lost dog and the dog didn't have any legsI saw a diabetic kid trick or treatingI saw a giraffe who had a short neckThat was sad or a deer
I saw an old man get hit by a trainHe didn't see it in the pouring rainHe didn't hear me shout, "Look out for the train!"'Cause I didn't say anythingI just thought to myself, "Oh this is gonna be sad."And it was, I'm a genius
I saw a man with only one eye in a 3D movieI saw a little boy drop his ice cream cone directly on his mother's corpseI saw a kitten stuck in a tree then the kitten jumped off and he hung itselfI saw a boy who had red hair
I went to a store looking for something to buyBut they only sold paintings of the same sad guyNo, wait—this store sells mirrorsSee what I did there?
Let's rockNo
The world's so sad, brosPain, genocide, war, racism, sexismBut I gotta remember there's good things about it tooLike the fact that none of that's happening to me, score!Still though it's hard not to be sad about itHow do y'all do it?I've been telling you, guys, terribly sad things this whole song. You haven't been sad at allYou've been...You've been happy, no,You've been laughingThat's it, laughter, it's the key to everythingIt's the way to solve all the sadness in the worldI mean, not for the people that are actually sad, but for the people like us who've gotta fucking deal with 'em all the timeBeing a comedian isn't being an insensitive prick capitalizing on the most animalistic impulses of the public, it's being a hero!The world isn't sad. The world's funny! I'm a sociopath!
I saw an old man slip and fall—hey, what a fucking idiotI saw a woman at her daughter's funeral—ha ha ha! Classic comedy!Everything that once was sad is somehow funny nowThe Holocaust and 9/11?That shit's funny 24/7'Cause tragedy will be exclusively joked about,Because my empathy is bumming me outGoodbye, sadness! Hello, jokes.