Birthday Card
I was on my last warning from Mrs. ExampleClean up my act, stop being an assholeDidn't help my debacleI'd just woken up from an all day, all night, filthy bar crawl
Something quite(Bait)About today's date I'd was hard to locateI'd drunk too much PernodTook another swipe with my Mach 3 TurboThen it hit me like a raging inferno
I don't believe it IForgot her bloody birthday cardShe wont be a happy galForgot her bloody birthday card
She's gonna scream and yellForgot her bloody birthday cardShe'll leave me man, she might as wellForgot her bloody birthday card
I try to keep things relativeNever give headaches to myself if I canBut I can only think negativeUsed to tell her shit like I'd lost my penNow there's a chance I'll never see her face again
So I walk a fine line, but it's not the endSee I bought her a voucher for H and MShe can get a new skirt and she'll look the partAnd if it don't work, pour out my heart
Look, yeah, I'm going to be completely honest with youYou know I love you, you know I respect youAt the end of the day, a birthday cardIt's just a piece of paper isn't it?
In an envelopeYeah, I know a voucher is a piece of paper tooYeah, but you can get a skirt with thatWell, you can get shoes then
Wait, nah, that's bullshitI can't do thatCan't sound like a wanker(A girly chat)
So I gotta make a dash for the petrol station'Cause their cards are perfect for any occasionI drop my razor and splash my(Boat)I grab some tracky-d's and a random coat
Then I'm on it with a walletAnd I hit the pavementI'm running down the streetWith my face half shaven
I'm getting stronger and stronger my legs are burningThere's still hope yet, just a couple of turn-in'sSee the longer I wander, the more I screamShe gets here at 10 and it's quarter to
I don't believe it IForgot her bloody birthday cardShe wont be a happy galForgot her bloody birthday card
She's gonna scream and yellForgot her bloody birthday cardShe'll leave me man, she might as wellForgot her bloody birthday card
I get to the garage, panic scanning the rackNinety nine percent of the range is all crapHappy Birthday Dad, Worlds Best MotherI Love You Sister, You're a Special Brother
No other bloody card with a cover for a loverPlus I'm getting kinda stressed as I search for anotherBut this one struck me, it's pink and funkyWith a cartoon print of a drunken monkey
There's a chance I'll make it, I'm nearly doneI hand him the coins and it's time to runNow it's 5 minutes too and I'm nearly homeI feel a vibration and check my phone
The message reads, 'Honey, I'll be there shortly''I just got off the bus and I've started walking'So like Kelly Holmes, I sprint the home straightI rip my tracky-d's as I hurdle the gate
I crash through the door, I fall up the stairsLooking like I've been in intensive careThe Biro's fucked, the pencil's brokenI grab a Magic Marker and write a token
Of my appreciation for herAnd the things that make her so perfectShit, there's the bellI seal the envelope it should all be swell
Look, here she is, my Kiera KnightlyShe gives me a kiss and I hug her tightlyShe asks why I've only shaved half my faceAnd sweating like I've just come first in some race
I got up extra earlyTo exercise and stretch my thighsSo I could see my special girlyShe looks in my eyes and sees my lies
With a dubious face she accepts the cardShe reads it, drops it and slaps me hardI open it up and prepare for doomThe text in the card reads 'Get Well Soon'
I don't believe it IForgot her bloody birthday cardShe wont be a happy galForgot her bloody birthday card
She's gonna scream and yellForgot her bloody birthday cardShe'll leave me man, she might as wellForgot her bloody birthday card
Ok, I admit, yeah, I messed up big timeBut have I got a surprise for you?Yep, nah, man, wait for itI booked us a table
At NandosNo ser, where you going?Serious, where you going?It's only a card
I was on my last warning from Mrs. ExampleClean up my act, stop being an assholeDidn't help my debacle