Joel, the Lump of Coal
Some time ago, at Santa's placeUp in the old North PoleThere lived a lump of anthraciteWhose parents called him Joel
Joel, Joel, the lump of coalHappy as a lump can beHe just wants to keep Santa warmAnd make the elves cozy
But Santa Claus had other plansFor Joel one fateful day"Joel, you're just the lump I needCome join me on my sleigh"
Joel, Joel, the lump of coalHeart leapt up with joy"I'll soon be Santa's present toA lucky girl or boy
We'll laugh and play togetherAnd hold each other tightSnuggle under clean white sheetsWhen we go to sleep at night"
Then Santa's elves all laughed at Joel"You're in for a surpriseYou're not a special Christmas giftYou're just a booby prize
What kid would ever want you?You're filthy as can beNow you have to go and liveWith one who's been naughty"
"But I make heat," poor Joel cried"And electricity""You pollute the airWith CO2 and mercury"
Joel, Joel, the lump of coalFell down upon his knees"I don't wanna live with a naughty kidDon't make me, Santa, please"
But Santa laughed his jolly laugh"Ho, ho, you stupid lumpYou're just the thing to teach this bratThat Santa ain't no chump"
So off they flew and, before he knewJoel was in a sackHe cried and yelled to Santa Claus"Why don't we just go back?"
And then came Christmas morningAnd, much to Joel's surprise (Much to Joel's surprise)He saw a boy with the saddest faceAnd tears were in his eyes (Tears were in his eyes)
He picked Joel up and held himAnd said "You can be my friend (Hey man, let's be friends)I would've liked some presents butYou're what Santa chose to send (Santa chose to send)
It's true, I've been a naughty boyAnd maybe that's a sin (Maybe that's a sin)If this is how Santa treats the kidsI'm just glad that I'm not him"
Joel, Joel, the lump of coalKnew what he must doHe said "Now I know the reason whyI got sent to you
Cause when a person hurts insideIt turns him hard and cruelBut I know how to make your painInto a precious jewel
So take me in your hand, young manAnd squeeze with all your mightLet's turn your pain and angerInto something that shines bright"
Then Joel, Joel, the lump of coalHe gave his life awaySo that one good naughty little boyHad a diamond on Christmas day