When You're Dead
The other day, I took a walkBecause the air was sweet.And I passed the crusty houseOf the curmudgeon on my street.Now, every town has got oneSo I'm sure you'll understandWhen I tell you this old bastardIs a mean and bitter man.
Now, this day, it was special,I was wearing my new hatThe old curmudgeon saw thisAnd he disapproved of that. He said:"I've had one just like thatFor ten years, you ripped me off!You've got no right to wear a hatLike mine, so take it off!"
As it happens, I'm a gentlemanSo I approached his porch.I told him; "Great minds think alike,And you have one, of course.So how 'bout I just tip my hat to youWhen I come through?"He reached down for his gun and said"I'll shoot you if you do!"
And I said: "No one's gonna cry at your funeral.No one's gonna drink at your wake.No one's gonna sigh with a tear in their eye.'Cause no one's gonna miss you when you're dead."
Well, the next day I forgotThis whole damned messAnd went to town. And there I sawA hundred or so posters all aroundAnd on them was my face,And I was wearing my new hatAnd they read: "This guy ripped me off,I've got one just like that!"
I took a walk down to his houseTo see if I could findA way to show himThat we're kindred spirits of the mind.I told him "I didn't make these hats,Nor did you, of course.And hey, we both love Johnny Cash..."He said "Get off my porch!"
And I said: "No one's gonna cry at your funeral.No one's gonna drink at your wake.No one's gonna sigh with a tear in their eye.'Cause no one's gonna miss you when you're dead."
When you look back on your life, what will you see?Did you spend your time mending fences or planting mines?There's no shortage of potential enemies, so don'tWaste so much time pushing away your kind.
I thought, I must be stupid,Or just crazy from the heat.When I went down to the houseOf that curmudgeon on my street.Maybe it was foolishTo go too his house again.Just to show this crazy drunken foolHe had a friend.
When I got there,Much to my surprise, he wasn't there.He was gone, as was his shotgunAnd his rocking chair.I asked the neighbour-lady,Who was lying on her lawn:"What happened to that mean old man?"She shrugged, and that was all.
No one's gonna cry at your funeral.No one's gonna drink at your wake.No one's gonna sigh with a tear in their eye.'Cause no one's gonna miss you.Hell, no one's gonna notice.And I'll enjoy the silence...
When you're dead!