Medicate With Tea
I don't do crack, I've never seen cocaineAnd fortunately I rarely pop an Aspirin when in pain'Cause I wanna be - of alcohol or any drug at all - completely freeBut I self-medicate with tea(doot-da-doot-doot)I know just where to go to get my fix:The beverage aisleAt Starbucks, I confess, I get my kicksI'm not in denialMy oolong healsYour dealer deals for quite a hefty feeSo I self-medicate with tea(doo-da-loo-doo)It's not that I'm not miserable as any old drunkMy life is no more bearable than any old junkieI'd jump out a windowSuicide's a sin thoughI've found another wayThere's no amount I wouldn't payTo overdose on Earl GreyOr English BreakfastWhen I'm hopped up on caffeinated ChaiI'm feeling the buzzAnd when you asked if I liked to get highI already wasIt's black or green or in-betweenSometimes it looks like weedBut my self-medicatingImproves my mental statingI don't need to go to rehabOr to set up a meth labI may be a cynicBut the Betty Ford clinicIsn't ever gonna break me from my habit of choiceIt's my opium, my Xanax and it's good for my voiceI hope you comprehend my reasoningTwinings, Liptons, even Celestial SeasoningsKeep your marijuanaI got my own remedyI self-self-medicate with teaBoomIt's chamomileYeah