The Kids
[Mr. Mackey] [Eric Cartman]And everyone should get along..Okay children quiet down, quiet downChildren I'd like to introduce our new substitute teacher for the dayHis name is Mr. ShadyChildren quiet down pleaseBrian don't throw that (SHUT UP!)Mr. Shady will be your new substitutewhile Mr. Kaniff is out with pneumonia (HE'S GOT AIDS!)Good luck Mr. Shady
[Eminem]Hi there little boys and girls (FUCK YOU!)Today we're gonna to learn how to poison squirrelsBut first, I'd like you to meet my friend Bob (Huh?)Say hi Bob! ("Hi Bob") Bob's 30 and still lives with his momand he don't got a job, cause Bob sits at home and smokes potbut his twelve-year old brother looks up to him an awful lotAnd Bob likes to hang out at the local waffle spotand wait in the parkin lot for waitresses off the clockwhen it's late and the lot gets dark and fake like he walks his dogDrag 'em in the woods and go straight to the chopping blocks (AHH!)And even if they escaped and they got the copsthe ladies would all be so afraid, they would drop the charge'til one night Mrs. Stacey went off the jobwhen she felt someone grab her whole face and said not to talkBut Stacey knew it was Bob and said knock it offBut Bob wouldn't knock it off cause he's crazy and off his rockerCrazier than Slim Shady is off the vodkaYou couldn't even take him to Dre's to get Bob a "Dr."He grabbed Stace' by the legs as chopped it off herand dropped her off in the lake for the cops to find herBut ever since the day Stacey went off to wanderthey never found her, and Bob still hangs at the waffle dinerAnd that's the story of Bob and his marijuana,and what it might do to youSo see if the squirrels want any - it's bad for you
[Chorus: Mr. Mackey (Eminem)]
See children, drugs are bahhhd (c'mon)and if you don't believe me, ask ya dahhhd (ask him man)and if you don't believe him, ask ya mom (that's right)She'll tell you how she does 'em all the time (she will)So kids say no to drugs (that's right)So you don't act like everyone else does (uh-huh)Then there's really nothin else to say (sing along)Drugs are just bad, mmm'kay?
[Eminem]My penis is the size of a peanut, have you seen it?FUCK NO you ain't seen it, it's the size of a peanut (Huh?)Speakin of peanuts, you know what else is bad for squirrels?Ecstasy is the worst drug in the worldIf someone ever offers it to you, don't do itKids two hits'll probably drain all your spinal fluidand spinal fluid is final, you won't get it backSo don't get attached, it'll attack every bone in your backMeet Zach, twenty-one years oldAfter hangin out with some friends at a frat party, he gets boldand decides to try five, when he's bribed by five guysand peer pressure will win every time you try to fight itSuddenly, he starts to convulse and his pulse goes into hyperdriveand his eyes roll back in his skull {*blblblblblb*}His back starts tah - look like the McDonald's ArchesHe's on Donald's carpet, layin horizontal barfin {*BLEH*}And everyone in the apartment starts laughin at him"Hey Adam, Zach is a jackass, look at him!"cause they took it too, so they think it's funnySo they're laughing at basically nothing except maybe wasting his moneyMeanwhile, Zach's in a coma, the action is overand his back and his shoulders hunched up like he's practicin yogaAnd that's the story of Zach, the ecstasy maniacSo don't even feed that to squirrels class, cause it's bad for you
[Chorus: Mr. Mackey (Eminem)]
See children, drugs are bahhhd (that's right)and if you don't believe me, ask ya dahhhd (that's right)and if you don't believe him, ask ya mom (you can)She'll tell you how she does 'em all the time (she will)So kids say no to drugs (smoke crack)So you don't act like everyone else does (that's right)And there's really nothin else to say (but umm)Drugs are just bad, mmm'kay?
[Eminem]And last but not least, one of the most humungousproblems among young people today, is fungusIt grows from cow manure, they pick it out, wipe it off,bag it up, and you put it right in your mouth and chew itYum yum! Then you start to see some dumb stuffAnd everything slows down when you eat some of 'em..And sometimes you see things that aren't there (Like what?)Like fat woman in G-strings with orange hair(Mr. Shady what's a G-string?) It's yarn ClaireWomen stick 'em up their behinds, go out and wear 'em (Huh?)And if you swallow too much of the magic mushroomsWhoops, did I say magic mushrooms? I meant fungusYa tongue gets, all swoll up like a cow's tongue (How come?)cause it comes from a cow's dung (Gross!!)See drugs are bad, it's a common factBut your mom and dad, know that's all that I'm good at (Oh!)But don't be me, cause if you grow up and you go and O.D.They're gonna come for me and I'ma have to grow a goateeand get a disguise and hide, cause it'll be my faultSo don't do drugs, and do exactly as I don't,cause I'm bad for you
[Chorus: Mr. Mackey (Eminem)]
See children, drugs are bahhhd (uh-huh)and if you don't believe me, ask ya dahhhd (put that down)and if you don't believe him, ask ya mom (you can ask)She'll tell you how she does 'em all the time (and she will)So kids say no to drugs (say no)So you don't act like everyone else does (like I do)And there's really nothin else to say (that's right)Drugs are just bad, mmm'kay?
[Mr. Mackey] [Eric Cartman]Come on children, clap along (SHUT UP!)Sing along children (Suck my motherfuckin dick!)Drugs are just bad, drugs are just bad (South Park is gonna sue me!)So don't do drugs (Suck my motherfuckin penis!)so there'll be more for me (Hippie! God damnit!)(Mushrooms killed Kenny! *fart* Ewww, ahhh!)(So, fucked up, right now..)