Campaign Speech
Jumped out of the 2nd floor of a record storeWith a Treacherous Four cassette and a cassette recorderIn Ecuador with Edward NortonWitness the metamorphosisOf a legend growin' like an expert swordsmanFrom the Hessian war andHence the origin of the Headless HorsemanBorn with the endorphins of a pathetic orphanEndless source and reservoirOf extension cords in dresser drawersAnd deadbolts on the bedroom doorsAnd sexual torture kits kept in a separate storage binExcellent boyfriend
Use intercourse to settle scoresWith women who have been vendettas towards menDickhead is forced in 'til there's shredded foreskinReddish torn and they're only bein' fed a portionBed sores and sore shinsPregnant whores can get abortionsFetish for stickin' metal forks in, self-absorptionSkeletor, I went to Hell and fell a floorA predator, I'm headed for competitorsBetter warn 'em, what I lack in tact and a set of moralsI make up for in metaphors like a cosmetic storeStegosaurus, Chuck Norris with a thesaurusYes, of course, a mess of warrantsYou want some? Come and get some, boys!I'm givin' Daniel Pantaleo a refresher courseOn excessive force and pressure pointsAnd dressin' George Zimmerman in a fluorescent orangeDress and four inch heels to address the courtWith a bullseye on his back, his whole chest and torsoOr left on the doorsteps of Trayvon's dad as a present for himIn my present form I'm Desert StormAppetite for destruction there's no suppressant forAggressive, forceful, and less remorseful in every morselUnpleasant, horrible; hello, gorgeous!The rebel with devil horns just fell off the yellow short busMet a contortionist, said, "When you wanna get sexual?"She said, "However I fit in your schedule. I'm flexible."Expired tags on the Saturn, got Catherine BachIn the back in Daisy Dukes with the hazards onAt a traffic stop gettin' harassed, sign an autographFor this asshole cop's daughterLaugh 'cause I called her a brat on itHe spat on it and brought it back lookin' half in shockHad a heart attack and dropped deadStarted fallin' back with itAnd got slapped with a Colin Kaepernick practice sock
One ball and half a dick, Apple WatchCrack front axle, walked in a Bass Pro Shop with David Hasselhoff, pulled Tabasco sauce out of my satchelKnocked over a fisherman's tackle box and *crash sound*Asked if they had a laughin' stockThat was fuckin' stupid…
You got it twisted, all 'cause I offered this bitchA doggie biscuit, you call me misogynisticBitch, get to massagin' this dick!Like spas in this bitch, slob on it with gobs of lipstickGot a shoppin' list for you to run some odds and ends withIt's not a bitch on this earth I can be monogamous withShe's non-existentRobin Thicke with a throbbin' dick on some suave and slick shitBut I shout derogatives at bitches like fuckin' missile launchesMisfit, blond and nitwitLike I've gone ballistic, with a frostin' tip kitScreamed, "I hate blondes," and became one, I'm optimisticLove to start shitShovin' Clark Kent's undergarments in the glove compartmentOf the bucket, bumpin' Bubba SparxxxI'm double parkin' up at Targets, trouble 'causer, a double crosserShadiest mothafucka you'll ever come acrossOlympic gymnast, been known for some assaultsA couple lawsuits, enough to cause a stomach ulcerSame damn brain scan results as Rainman's isSomething's off, but when Dustin Hoffman'sDressin' up in your mummy costumeOn stage dancin' to "Brain Damage," what's the problem?Nothing's wrong, the name brand is back to reclaim statusRun the faucet, I'ma dunkA bunch of Trump supporters underwaterSnuck up on 'em in Ray Bans in a gray van with a spray tanIt's a wrap, like an Ace bandageDon't-give-a-fuck persona, to my last DNA strandE&J in the waistband, at the VMAs with the stagehandShe wants kielbasa, pre-arrange an escape planThree-inch blade on point, like a See-and-SayConsider me a dangerous manBut you should be afraid of this dang candidateYou say Trump don't kiss ass like a puppet'Cause he runs his campaign with his own cash for the fundin'And that's what you wantedA fuckin' loose cannon who's blunt with his hand on the buttonWho doesn't have to answer to no one—great idea!
If I was presidentGettin' off is the first order of businessOnce I get in officeSecond thing that'll make me happy's walkin' up to Uncle SamNaked, laughin', dick cupped in handScreamin', "Fuck safe sex!"Throw a latex and an AIDS test at himTell Congress I run this landAnd I want the rubber banned, and make it snappyAddiction to friction and staticAddict who can't escape the habitContinue to chase the dragonBut as fate would have it, I walked up in major MagicsDressed as the maintenance manIn a laser tag vest and a racin' jacketWith a gauge to blast itAnd sped away in the station wagonStacey Dash's and Casey Anthony'sCrazy asses in the backseatThrowin' Stayfree pads at meDead passenger in the passenger seatUnfasten the safety latchesAnd slam on the brakes in traffic so hardI snapped the relocation brackets for the monster tires'Finna get a murder case and catch itLike you threw it at me encased in plastic
And send Dylan Roof through the windshield of the BenzUntil he spins like a pinwheel and begins feelin'...Like a windmiller with a thin build while his skin's peelin'And skids 'til he hits a cement pillarSwing for the fence like Prince FielderKnock it into the upper peninsulaYou wanna go against 'zilla? The Rap GodWhen will I quit? Never been realerThe in-stiller of fear, not even a scintilla of doubtWhose pens iller than Prince in a chinchillaOr Ben Stiller in a suspense thrillerRevenge killer, avenge syllable bingeFill a syringe, 'til IDraw first bloodEven pop shit on my pop shit, and it's popularCouldn't be more awkwarderCause you're innocence I robbed you ofIt's my fingers that got stuck upTaught ya ta, not give aSlapstick, hockey puckThe broad hunter with the sawed offLike an arm when it's lopped off of yaBut I'm not gonna, get the shotgunOr the Glock, I'm gonna opt for the oxCause I'm into objects that are sharp when I shopAnd it's not a shock, I'm such an obnoxious fuckerThe Rock Hudson of rock 'cause who would have thoughtThis much of a cocksucker to go across the buttocks of Vivica Fox with a box cutterThat was for 50, little slap on the wrist be warnedI'm unrevealin' quicklyMy squabbles, I'm grappling with your time traveling with meTry and follow, as I wobble, relapse into history, with a flask of the whiskeyTip it back then I'm twisting wine bottlesLike what happened to Chris Reeves' spine columnThat's the plan of attack when I'm fixing my problemsWish my chest wasn't having to get these rhymes off 'emBut the fact that I have so many rappers against me mind bogglesAnd why I haven't come back on these faggots who diss me isMore of a spectacular mystery than a fucking Agatha Christie crime novel
But my patience is wearing thinSwear I been contemplatin' rubbing shit in your face 'til I smear it inDiss you in every lyric until you fear the penAnd never appear againIf you actually had fuckin' careers to endBut then I think of Molly Qerim and I steer 'em in that direction and forget my ideas for themMolly, I'm gone off youMan, light some kushYou're my first take, I'll nail youCan't lie, I gushIf I won you over, you would be the grand prizeI'm entranced by your looks, come and give the Shady franchise a pushYou can get it in the can like some Anheuser BuschJeans too small, least three pant sizes tushMushed against your damn side, your pussAnd thighs are squishedWhat kind of attires that?I'm ready to be rodePsychopath, bet you we'll get it poppin' like a flatLight the match to ignite the wrathGot knives to slash and slice hermaphrodites in halfPiper Chapmans might just have to picket meLike a scabHard to describe in factStartling violent perhapsAre things that come to mind as soon as I start spitting rhymes like thatAnd you aren't really surprised at thatBut as far as these lines I rapAnd these bars, wouldn't dial it back if I star 69ed the track
Why am I such a dick?