Rosetta Stoned
"Alrighty, then ... picture this if you will."
"10 to 2 AM, X, Yogi DMT, and a box of Krispy Kremes,In my 'need to know' pose, just outside of Area 51Contemplating the whole 'chosen people' thingyWhen a flaming stealth banana split the skyLike one would hope but never really expectTo see in a place like this.Cutting right angle donuts on a dimeAnd stopping right at my Birkenstocks,And me yelping...
Holy fucking shit!
Then the X-Files being,Looking like some kind of blue-green Jackie ChanWith Isabella Rossellini lips, and breath that reeked ofVanilla Chig ChampaDid a slow-mo Matrix descentOutta the butt end of the banana vesselAnd hovered above my bug-eyes, my gaping jaw,And my sweaty L. Ron Hubbard upper lip,And all I could think was:I hope Uncle Martin here doesn't noticeThat I pissed my fuckin' pants.
So light in his way,Like an apparition, thatHe had me crying out:Fuck meIt's gotta beThe Deadhead ChemistryThe blotter got right on top of meGot me seein' E-motherfuckin'-T!
And after calming me downWith some orange slicesAnd some fetal spooning,E.T. revealed to me his singular purpose.He said:"You are the Chosen One,The One who will deliver the message.A message of hope for those who choose to hear itAnd a warning for those who do not."Me? The Chosen One?They chose me!!!And I didn't even graduate from fuckin' high school.
You'd better...You'd better...You'd better...You'd better listen.
Then he looked right through meWith somniferous almond eyesDon't even know what that meansMust remember to write it downThis is so realLike the time Dave floated awaySee, my heart is pounding'Cause this shit never happens to me
I can't breathe right now!
It was so real,Like I woke up in Wonderland.All sorta terrifyingI don't wanna be all aloneWhile I tell this story.And can anyone tell me whyY'all sound like Peanuts parents?Will I ever be coming down?This is so realFinally, it's my lucky daySee, my heart is racing'Cause this shit never happens to me
I can't breathe right now!
You believe me, don't you?Please believe what I've just said!See the Dead ain't touringAnd this wasn't all in my head.See, they took me by the handAnd invited me right in.Then they showed me somethingI don't even know where to begin.
Strapped down to my bedFeet cold and eyes redI'm out of my headAm I alive? Am I dead?Can't remember what they saidGod damn, shit the bed.
Overwhelmed as one would be, placed in my position.Such a heavy burden now to be the OneBorn to bear and bring to all the details of our ending,To write it down for all the world to see.
But I forgot my penShit the bed again ...Typical.
Strapped down to my bedFeet cold and eyes redI'm out of my headAm I alive? Am I dead?Sunkist and sudafedGyroscopes and infraredWon't help, I'm brain deadCan't remember what they saidGod damn, shit the bed
I can't remember what they said to meCan't remember what they said to make me out to be a heroCan't remember what they saidBob help me!Can't remember what they said
We don't know, and we won't know...God damn, shit the bed!"