Couch Potato
LookIf you hadOne shotTo sit on your lazy buttAnd watch all the TV you ever wantedUntil your brain turned to mushWould you go for it?Or just let it slip?Yo
Remote is readyEyes wide, palms are sweatyThere's Flintstones on the TV alreadyWilma 'n' BettyNo virgin to channel surfin'And I'm HD-readySo I flipGarbage is all I'm getting
There's Simon CowellWho folks wanna disembowelHe opens his mouthAlways says something foulThey're dyin', wowWannabes are crying nowHe votes them outTime to throw in the towel
Shows based on realityOh, the humanity!Oh, Ozzy's familySho' loves profanityWhoa, the insanityOh, dogs that crap and peeHome of depravity?No, they live happilyYo
Plus "Da Ali G Show"And "Celebrity Mole"Oh, and there's Anna NicoleWell, she's scaring me
"Look ma, no cavities"Oh, it's a station breakBetter go out to the kitchen and microwave something
"You're gonna lose your mind watchin' TV" They told me, they'd scold meBut I'd still tune in every show (show)My cable gets C-SPAN, TV-Land, and HBOThe Travel Channel, Discovery, and Lifetime (yo)
"You're gonna lose your mind watchin' TV"They told me, cajoled me, "Turn off those music videos" (no)I'm gonna watch C-SPAN, TV-Land, and HBOThe History Channel and QVC and Lifetime (yo)(You're gonna)
My butt is achingAs I watch NASCAR racingThat show about undertakingLarry KingTo "24" to "Law And Order"The Weather Channel's boring like "60 Minutes"'s ancient reportersNext up on "E! True Hollywood Story"The rise and decline of twelve actors named Corey
Shows for next fall, they've already been namin'"CSI: Boise" and "Touched By An Uncle" both sound pretty lame 'n'So does "Everybody Tolerates Raymond"And "King of Queens" jumped the shark the first minuteI can't believe Richard Simmons ain't in it
I'll move right on to "8 Simple Rules For Dating My Teenaged Daughter"Then I betI watch "The Bachelorette"Followed by "Welcome Back, Carter"And "The Muppet Show" where they go 'Mahna Mahna'
"You're gonna lose your mind watching TV"They told me, they'd scold meBut I'd still tune in every show (show)My cable gets C-SPAN, TV-Land, and HBOThe Disney Channel and A&E and Lifetime (yo)
"You're gonna lose your mind watching TV"They told me, cajoled meBut I still love Lisa Kudrow (drow)I'm looking at C-SPAN, TV-Land, and HBOThe Playboy Channel and Court TV and Lifetime (yo)(You're Gonna)
Never missed "Melrose Place" or "Lost In Space"I've seen each "Amazing Race" and "Without A Trace"But I only watched "Will And Grace" one time one dayWish I hadn't 'cause TiVo now thinks I'm gay
Oh, and "Fear Factor" I watched maybe a half hourAfter that, felt like I needed a long showerNetwork execs with naked ambitions"Next week on FOX, watch lions eat Christians"
Like to tie up those programming plannersMake 'em watch all of that junk 'til their heads explode just like "Scanners"Leech-covered grub-eatin' fools on "Survivor"Look there's James Lipton discussing the oeuvre of Mr. Rob Schneider
And there's "Gilligan" and "SpongeBob", plus there's "MacGyver"And Jay Leno has got Madonna, hey there's Luke Perry on aSpecial all Pig-Latin episode of "Drew Carey"
Wanna turn on "E.T." 'cause I'm a gossip freakAnd I gotta know who J. Lo is marryin' this weekA 30 second spotThen we come back to "Are You Hot?"I was planning on recording "The Sopranos"I forgot
I love shows with or without a plotI'll stare 'til my legs are numb, my eyes bloodshotBecause I only have gotOne brain to rotI'm gonna spend my life watching television a lot
"You're gonna lose your mind watching TV"They told me, they'd scold meBut I'd still tune in every show (show)My cable gets C-SPAN, TV-Land, and HBOThe Sci-Fi Channel and AMC and Lifetime (yo)
"You're gonna lose your mind watching TV"They told me, cajoled me, "Turn off that Oprah Winfrey show" (no)I got it on C-SPAN, TV-Land, and HBOThe Learning Channel and MTV and Lifetime (yo)(You're gonna)
You can watch anything you want to, man